MAI: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the Poser's podcast, the place where we skip the fluff. Say the quiet parts out loud and dig into what really matters. This is where photography, psychology, and business collide. I'm Jodi, your host, and I'm bringing you my raw takes, hard wins, and a whole lot of unfiltered honesty about what it takes to build a photography business that actually connects and makes money.
So ladies, grab your headphones and get your tits up and your ears open because we are going to build something really incredible together.
Hello, my beautiful posers. Welcome back to the posers podcast. Today is a good day to have a good day. Uh, can you tell that I am into watching very old episodes of Grey's Anatomy? Uh, just like Dr. McDreamy says, it's a great day to save lives, people. In fact, the only [00:01:00] reason why I'm watching Grey's Anatomy is because My reality TV list has dwindled lately.
The Traitors, literally the most anticlimactic season finale ever. Like, who in their right mind would I would ever trust four players at the end to all be faithfuls. Not me. Not your girl. I wouldn't. I would have called out every single one of them. So it's kind of a snoozy fest of an ending, but nonetheless, it is over.
Uh, Southern Hospitality had a very short season of only ten episodes, which honestly is just rude of Bravo because Southern Hospitality is as good as the glory days of Vanderpump Rules, yet it's getting none. of the clout that it deserves. Okay? What else? Beverly Hills. It's boring me. Southern Charm is just a bunch of disgusting old men basically Peter Panning all over Charleston.
Summer House is really the only thing that's keeping my weeknight activities afloat right now and it [00:02:00] isn't even holding a flame to how good the last two seasons were. I mean, Jesse Solomon. In a committed relationship, I think not. Except we do have Paige and Craig's breakup that's keeping us buzzing right now.
Buzzing, uh, I didn't even mean to say that, but pun intended because of Craig's ridiculous desire to have whatever the bee farm or honey hive thing or whatever that thing is that he put into his backyard. Honestly, if I were Paige, I would have run too, but it kind of has nothing to do with his bees.
Aside from the misogyny that is literally seeping out of his pores, have you ever noticed how small that man's hands are? I mean, excuse me with your one painted nail. Like, why are you trying to draw attention to your little tiny plastic doll hands? I'm sorry, but I just can't trust a man who can't, like, I don't know, open a jar for me.
[00:03:00] But Why is that the thing that comes into my head whenever I think about a man's hands? Like, that's what you need to be doing with your hands is opening my jars. Anyways, I can't watch any scene with him in it because I literally just stare at his hands and I'm constantly trying to figure out if it's just like a proportion problem, is it a weird angle I don't know.
But the ick has ucked. Or the ick has icked. However that should be said. And I just cannot find that man to be attractive. Well, that and all of the things that come out of his mouth. So anyways, there's the synopsis. I am watching Grey's Anatomy because the lineup, my roster of reality TV is just a little bit slow right now, except for the fact, hold on, I completely forgot to mention this.
Uh, we have I have The Real Housewives of Atlanta coming back soon, and Phaedra is [00:04:00] back. Now, if you know anything about me, you know that I loved Traitors because of Phaedra's existence in Season 2. Phaedra is one of my favorite people on the planet. And, oh my god, is Portia back too? That means that Frick and Frack are back together.
Frick and Frack are going to be back on my TV very soon, and if you have No idea what I'm talking about with any of this. I'm so sorry. I've just bored you with a four minute intro about absolutely nothing. But for all of you who , listen to watch or subscribe to the garbage TV life that I do, then you know exactly what's going on in my brain.
Okay, anyways. You know that I've been doing photography for a really, really long time. I run a multi six figure studio. I have my systems dialed in.
You would think that I'd just be over here, like, bee boppin right? Well, [00:05:00] actually, hold on, sidebar. I was at a photo conference a few years ago, and at this conference there was a woman there who had built a multi six figure studio. Seven figure business. Okay. She was obviously one of the presenters there, but I happen to have some alone time with her because There was a group of us that were at this conference who were also in a mastermind with the host of the conference So we got a few extra little like bonus perks while we were there So I had a little like one on one time with this woman and I asked her At what point in her business did she feel like she had made it?
You know, like, you've built the business, you're making great money, like, when do you say, like, pop the shampy, like, throw the confetti, you know, the, like, I made it moment, when does that happen? And she said, she busted my bubble really quickly and she said, it doesn't. she said people like us don't get to that point because the higher you go.
the further you set your own bar, right? She said new level, new devil. All right. So this means that for people [00:06:00] like us, entrepreneurs and artists, there's always going to be something that we're striving towards. There's always going to be a new goal. And because of that, we're always going to be susceptible to the pressures that are around us, the competition, the self doubt.
In fact, she also said. That the self doubt can sometimes get worse the higher we climb because you simply keep on walking into bigger rooms. Okay, so. Here I was the other night minding my own business, getting some work done actually after dinner instead of just like diving into my couch. But I was getting some work done and recently I've been asked to be like a brand partner with this incredible company that I love dearly.
I use them every single day in my business and I've been using them for over a decade, so. So I was looking into some of their other insanely talented photographers that they have partnerships with. So I'm scrolling this other photographer's Instagram and I'm, like, stopped dead in my tracks with one of the reels that she had posted and I was like, whoa.
This [00:07:00] reel that she had posted was talking about, the like 40 something inquiries that she had that month. And it obviously like led into her education about how she gets that level of work every single month. And it was as if one of my little baseball playing boys took a bat straight to my face and it felt like self doubt imposter syndrome.
I don't belong here. Like, am I even good enough? Uh, new level, new devil. Literally sitting right there on my shoulder and I'm like, Oh, hey, uh, shitty to meet you. You're new around here. But. Why am I talking to the little devil on my shoulder right here on the podcast? Uh, I'm like you might want to work on those chin hairs.
You've got ugly warts all over your face. It's really not a cute look for you. Ugly little devil. But okay, so today we're going to dive into a topic that is not new, but has a chokehold on the photography industry, and [00:08:00] I think that what I say about it today is going to be completely new and probably something that you had never even thought about, okay?
So we are going to unpack the social comparison theory. And it's profound impact on photographers at every single level. And I'm hopefully also going to teach you how to get through these battles unscathed so that you can get out of your own head and get that head of yours back into your business. back to my story from a couple of nights ago.
After I was literally, like, waylaid by self doubt. After I closed my computer, I was I was walking from my bathroom over to my bedroom and I had this like tornado of doom that was literally like raging inside of me and I had to physically stop myself from walking. And to self talk my way out of this mess that was, it felt like it was boiling over inside of me.
And I stood in the middle of my room and I reminded myself, The one big secret that nobody is ever saying is that every method [00:09:00] That photographer system works for her, not because she is the all knowing of the photography world, but because she is consistent in how she shows up inside of her systems.
And I had to remind myself, my system works for me because of the consistency that I show up inside of that system. My business and every system works so long as you consistently work that system, okay? I had to remind myself of all of this. I had to say Literally talking to myself in the middle of my bedroom like a psychopath As like Jodi you're running a luxury photo studio You are not a wedding photographer anymore.
You don't want 40 something inquiries because you would never be able to or want to serve that many clients. This would break your system if you had it. Okay. So I crawled back into bed feeling a little bit better. By happily removing myself from the seat on the entrepreneurial rollercoaster that [00:10:00] I had been on and were probably all on at certain times.
But I also went to bed knowing that I wanted to discuss this here on the pod with you. Let's unpack the biggest psychological concept that not only impacts our business, but our mental health too and why it has taken our industry by storm and kind of actually like our world by storm over the last few years.
The Social Comparison Theory suggests that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up to others. So, we compare ourselves to others in this way of sort of like self evaluation. So, So, back in our parents generation, and those that came before that, we compared ourselves to the people in our neighborhood, the people at our schools, the people at our jobs.
Like, if Nancy at work told you that her daughter got into Yale that was the big cheese, right? That was the big to do. All of a sudden, you're, like, pushing your son [00:11:00] to aim for an Ivy League. But, that was really the extent of it. That social comparison, those circles were pretty small, right? Our brains were hardwired to handle the level of comparison that was actually within our tribe, like way back in our tribal days or our primal days, right?
But now, the internet truly became a universal part of daily life. And I know you're probably thinking like, yeah, duh Jodi, we've all been like dealing with the ramifications of the internet for a long time now. But, we're really only talking about the last 15 to 20 years. Okay, and when we think about how the photography industry changed due to the internet, really that happened in 2010 whenever Instagram came on the scene.
So, Instagram being this game changer, really making social media driven photography the standard. We're only talking about 15 years in and this idea of the internet being like [00:12:00] inescapable, which is wild when you consider how much pressure it's added to photographers in such a short time. And the fact that 15 years doesn't really give you a lot of time in order to research what the ramifications, what the consequences are.
of dealing with this kind of pressure, right? in particular, the internet and social media platforms, like, it has magnified this scope of social comparison. And we, as artists, are now exposed to a global showcase. of peers and competitors, and this makes it so much easier to engage in these social comparisons.
But we're evaluating ourselves against those that are perceived to be more successful or more talented. So here's the scary part. These really frequent social comparisons, they've been linked in the small amount of research that could be done because research takes. It takes so many years to actually see what kind [00:13:00] of like destructive patterns it's having.
Over the course of these few years, we're already linking it to destructive emotions like depression and anxiety and a decreased like overall state of well being. So I mean, basically our industry is just like a toxic man. Okay that tickled me a little bit more than I was expecting it to. I'll be here for the whole entire episode, guys.
Okay, sorry. One study showed that, just like toxic men Okay, I have to stop. Uh, this can lead to a vicious cycle, because this level of social comparison Our brains are not hardwired to handle this and it breeds unhappiness. Yet, unhappy people are more likely to engage in social comparison. So the trap becomes circular and it becomes all consuming, right?
So there [00:14:00] was once a time, not really all that long ago, when pre internet photographers had no means of sharing their images with potential clients without those clients literally loading into and driving their wood paneled station wagon down the street to that photographer's studio and actually looking at the samples that were hanging on the walls, right?
All marketing was done either by word of mouth or maybe commercials if a photographer could afford it. And I, I guess most importantly, probably the yellow pages, right? Like if we even remember that thing called the phone book. So now images pass through social channels at viral speeds. Images that we put out onto the internet have the potential to not only be seen by those in our neighborhood or in our city, but by millions of people around the world.
The power that the [00:15:00] internet gives us for building our businesses is incredible, but it is not for the weak, honey. While it might be really great for our business, you can see that it can also be incredibly damaging for us as individuals. So what does it mean for humans to have to like take on the pressure of having their work judged by so many or pit against each other or pit against other photographers who've already mastered their crafts for decades longer than we have?
So combine all of that pressure. With the idea that a client is able to see these images online too, right? They're able to create Pinterest boards or pull inspiration images and send them to us as a photographer and be like, Oh, I like this. Can you recreate this for me? Like, What if you're a new photographer and you're getting paid just a few hundred dollars to do a photo shoot, yet the inspiration images that [00:16:00] you're being asked to replicate were created by photographers who were paid 10 times the amount that you're getting paid and also have years more of experience.
So not only are we facing this social comparison theory. by us, you know, scrolling on Instagram, scrolling on TikTok, scrolling through Pinterest, looking for inspiration, seeing what other people are doing. And we are bombarded by these incredible images that photographers around the world have created.
But we're also getting it on the other side from our clients too, who are handing over an inspiration image saying, Hey, can you create that? And maybe. You don't have that caliber of work or you don't have that skill set yet, right? That's a ton of comparison and a ton of pressure. Never before have photographers of all experience levels been placed toe to toe with each other.
But the internet has made that possible. [00:17:00] And we really need to understand the effects that this can have on our mental health and be able to manage it. Our businesses are built on social media. So it's not like we can just say like, Oh, you know, limit your access or stop doom scrolling or just stop comparing yourself.
Cause that's literally impossible. Almost. 10 percent of our daily thoughts as humans involve comparison to other humans and we have roughly 70, 000 thoughts a day. So, on any given day, there are 7, 000 times that we are thinking about how we stack up to others. And our brain is comparing ourselves to someone else in order to determine what our actual worth is as a human or as a photographer.
So just closing Instagram or scrolling less or trying to, you know, limit [00:18:00] the amount of time that you're doing all this, it's not going to make you stop comparing. So When we talk about minimizing the effects of social comparison theory, we have to look at it, like I said earlier, that it's a toxic relationship, okay?
We can't control the other variable. The other variable being the internet, or the time that we spend on the internet, or our clients asking for recreations of other images. Those are all of the variables that we absolutely cannot control. We can only control our behaviors and our reactions. We have to focus on building the muscle that combats social comparison theory and that's the only way that we can have it impact us the least, right?
Because it's never going to go away. It is built into us as humans that we would compare ourselves this way, but we do have to have a toolbox that can help us. [00:19:00] Get through these certain scenarios and have it impact us in the least way possible. Alright? So, that muscle that we have to flex, or that muscle that we have to build, is self esteem and our self worth.
Because the internet isn't going anywhere, but our mental well being deserves better than this, like, toxic doom scroll situation. Okay? So So, first, we, I want you to curate your social media feed, okay? If certain accounts make you feel like crap, unfollow them, alright? If it's a photographer that's in your city and you can't unfollow them because of like what that will do in a social sort of, I don't know, setting or situation, then mute them.
Okay, if you know that certain photographers trigger you into that death spiral, get rid of them in whatever way you need to. The inspiration that they might be providing for like detail [00:20:00] photos or poses or whatever they're doing for you, it's not worth your mental health. So follow people who inspire you without triggering comparison spirals and also.
So, seek out creatives who, like, really keep it real, who share their struggles, who promote growth rather than perfection. Okay, so just like, I don't know, just like dry January does for our livers, a social media cleanse is needed for our minds. Okay, so mute, unfollow, and block anything that makes you doubt your own set worth, okay?
We're also going to set personal milestones. Stop measuring success based on what others post online as much as possible. I understand this is never going to stop. This is something we're always going to have to deal with, but create your own definition of success. Whether it's booking your dream client, improving your posing, or I don't know, [00:21:00] Abby Lee Miller ing like a Do you know who Abby Lee Miller is?
Again, always back to trashy reality TV. Abby Lee Miller is the dance coach on a show called Dance Moms that used to air a long time ago. I don't think that it's still on. If it is, dear God, I need to binge that. But basically, this was really damaging, what Abby Lee Miller would do, but she would take her dancers, who were very young girls, and she would put them onto the mirror inside of their like ballet studio in a period, or, period, in a pyramid of who performed the best down to who performed the worst on their like dance competition day, or whatever, okay?
So whenever I say Abby Lee Miller, a photo pyramid of your favorite images, that's what I mean. Like put up a little like pyramid of your favorite images, like near your desk or on your bathroom mirror or next to your [00:22:00] bed, wherever you're going to see it a lot, especially seeing it. first thing that whenever you wake up so that you can feel proud of the work that you are creating.
Because we all know that we have to be online for work already, but I want you to, I just literally told you a little bit ago that limiting your time on social media isn't going to, uh, fix this thing. But I want you to limit the personal time that you spend online, okay? So, the more time that you spend scrolling, the easier it is to fall into these comparison traps, right?
But we all have to be on social media for work. So, if you're limiting at least the doom scroll portion, if you limit your exposure when you're, like, really being in tune with yourself, when you're feeling vulnerable, especially, like, Stay off the internet two days before your period, okay? Like, nobody should be literally torturing yourself in that kind of way.
Full stop. If you are anywhere near your period, [00:23:00] stay off of the internet because that is when you are feeling your most vulnerable. No but really, if you feel like you are self sabotaging, get on the internet, post the stuff that you need to post for your business, answer the DMs that you need to answer, and then barrel roll out of that bitch, like.
I don't know. You're escaping like a one night stand or something. But if all else fails, you can set a time limit on this. Like you can do that inside of the app inside of your phone settings. Okay. So the next thing that I want you to be doing is I want you to be celebrating your own wins. You don't need 10, 000 likes to validate your accomplishments, right?
Acknowledge your progress and celebrate those wins. In fact, keep a win list. Keep like a private document, a note on your phone or in a journal next to your bed or, you know, wherever it is that you tend to look. Whether it's, I don't know, on your Google Drive or something. [00:24:00] Keep a document where you can track even the smallest victories that you reach.
inside of your business. Okay. Actually, just today, just a little while ago, while I was writing up my notes for this podcast, a sale came into my business for 10, 000, right? I haven't hit a 10, 000 sale in a couple of months, and it was honestly starting to weigh on me a little bit. I was starting to think, like, do I need to be changing these systems?
Do I need to be reworking my sales script? Do I need to be doing these sort of things? It was really, like, I don't know, starting to fester inside of my head that I hadn't had a 10, 000 day. So, that happened today. The first thing that I'm obviously going to do, well, I'm going to tell you right here on this podcast because I haven't talked to my husband yet, but the first thing that I'm going to do is I'm going to tell my husband and then I'm going to tell my boys and then I'll take them out for dinner tonight instead of cooking at home because my reward always for my own self to personally reward myself for having a 10, 000 a day, I [00:25:00] never make dinner.
I hate making dinner. Dinner is the thing where I'm like, I am not good at that. I. fail at it all the time. My kids literally like pick food across on their plates. I have my youngest boy. He is a food critic. His dad is actually a phenomenal cook. And so then he's at my house and he's like, um, can we order some pizza?
Okay. So anyways. My personal reward for having 10, 000 days is that if I hit 10, 000 for that day, I do not make myself cook dinner. We are always going to go out. And my boys know that. So they will always be asking, in fact they've been asking me lately like, Wasn't it a 10, 000 day? Can't we go out to dinner?
Because they always want to go out. Again, clearly this is now a podcast, this is a cooking podcast or an anti cooking podcast. However you want to look at it. But anyways, what I'm saying is that my boys know that I have this reward for myself, so they know that they're going to be celebrating it right along with me.
Okay? Nobody on the internet needs [00:26:00] to know this. Nobody else needs to celebrate it with me. I don't need like a ton of likes or a ton of shares in order for this to feel good and for me to allow it to feel good on my own like personal level. Alright? So, this next. idea or tip or trick or however you want to categorize all of these things that I'm saying.
This next one's the big one and it works for me the most probably. Create before you consume. Always. Comparison kills creativity. Alright, so this is hard for me too, but it's something that when I, I don't feel like I have to do this every day, but when I feel like I'm in a place of really comparing myself or if I'm feeling really vulnerable or if I'm feeling imposter syndrome or if I feel like I don't belong in the room, instead of starting my day by scrolling through other people's work, I focus on my own work first.
So, for you, [00:27:00] maybe, whether it's like you're working on a styled shoot that you're putting together with local vendors, or maybe you've got a big huge shoot coming up and you're creating a mood board or even if you're going to your own social media and you're looking, I mean, I do this all the time, maybe this is narcissistic, I actually don't think so because I know the definition of narcissism because I am a psychologist, but it seems a little ego driven, it seems a little self centered for sure.
But, When I don't feel good about myself, sometimes I will even go to my own Instagram feed and I will look at my own work and I will see how many gorgeous images I create. I will see how long my Instagram feed goes back, 15 years worth of work, knowing that I've built this and I've worked on this, right?
Staying really focused on what it is that I've created. Or even sketching like new poses or something like that that you want to start envisioning because you want to start implementing on their shoots. This can be as [00:28:00] simple as like looking at a book of art before you start editing for the day. Right?
Feed your own creativity before you start looking at anybody else's. And that will just kind of shift your own mindset to where you're really focusing internally first. Okay? Alright let's see. Let's also, here's a little note that I had also make sure that we're following other artists. Not other photographers.
This keeps, I mean, not that you can't follow other photographers, obviously, but mix in some other artists too. This keeps our focus on inspiration and other forms of art that can influence our own work rather than really following into that like replication trap that can so easily happen whenever we're just staring at other photographers work all day.
Mix in, like, painters. Mix in people who were, I don't know what people who throw [00:29:00] pottery are called potteriers. Mix in any kind of other art form that you enjoy watching or that inspires you. Even if you're looking through like fashion magazines or things like that. Stay inspired outside of the photography world.
All right, so here's the fix that I, I think will have the biggest impact for you too. And I saved it for last on this one because I think that it's really, really important to, to live our lives. In this kind of way, not only just for balance, but for our own like mental health to learn or master like a new skill or a new sport.
Okay, or a new hobby or a new instrument, whatever it is. Mastering something new or practicing something new reminds us that growth really takes time. And seeing progress, [00:30:00] say, like, if you wanted to decide to run a half marathon, right? Or that you wanted to start playing an instrument. My son plays the violin.
But whenever we were just moving into this new house that we're renovating I was actually talking about getting a pool table. I was like, Hey Griffin, do you think it'd be like fun to get a pool table in here? He's like, Mom, the thing that would actually be really cool as a piano. And I was like, Oh my God, like you're the coolest kid on the planet.
Cause I didn't even think of that. And I had a piano in my house growing up and I loved it. My mom was playing, but not really. the piano, but she knew how to play well enough and she always got all of us lessons. My aunt can play the piano really well. So I have memories of that going on in my house, right?
So I bought this baby grand piano and we put it into the new house and our, mine and Griffin's goal for the summer is to like self teach ourselves how to play the piano. Right. But any sort of [00:31:00] like, Hobby like this. It builds confidence that really carries over into photography. So When you're learning just for you, not for likes or for clients or for money, you really break free from the comparison trap.
Okay? So, struggling, failing, and improving in a new skill helps you handle creative slumps and setbacks. within photography, it, and it, and it sort of like puts that growth mindset on what you're doing as a photographer to this. Also, it just expands your identity. You're not just a photographer. Having other passions or hobbies keeps you from tying your entire self worth.
to your work. And most importantly, sticking with a skill long enough to get better at it. It teaches you patience and consistency and the ability to push through discomfort. And all of these things are really [00:32:00] crucial for business success, right? Now, it is yet unknown whether or not my skill level at consuming and dissecting trash TV has I don't think there's any correlation here, but you know what, I am willing to persevere for the betterment of my mental health.
Okay?
Clearly, it is time for me to get this wrapped up. Social comparison theory isn't something that we can eliminate, but We can control how much power we give it. Okay, your self worth is not measured by likes, follows, or someone else's highlight reel. You're already worthy, and you are already enough. Now, all you have to do is go remind yourself of that.
Okay? That is all I have for you today. Until next time, friends.
OUTRO: Okay, so that is a wrap on this episode of the Poser's Podcast. [00:33:00] If you loved it, please subscribe, rate, and review, because honestly, algorithms are needier than all of our ex boyfriends combined. And ladies, I need all the help I can get. If you've got thoughts, questions, love letters, even hate mail, please send them my way.
I actually read every single one of them. So until next time, stay bold, stay messy, and don't let the bullshit win. Tits up, ears open, and go build something incredible. Bye for now, friends.
